


The sense of an ending

by mon___cheri



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Teachers, Angst, High School, M/M, Sad Ending, Slow Burn, Tearjerker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25145920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mon___cheri/pseuds/mon___cheri
Summary: Felix had encouraged me to always look at the bright side of everything.It works, most of the time.But when I am diagnosed with last stage brain cancer, I wasn't so sure.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Hwang Hyunjin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	The sense of an ending

The third-years somehow pulled off an epic senior prank this year. They did not tell the teachers what they’re planning to do, but we all expected them to prank on their _underclassmen_. We do not expect them to prank _us_. All thirty-four teachers are left covered in glitter from head-to-toe at the end of the day.

“Seriously, these kids,” Chan groaned, scrubbing his arms with a wet cloth, hopeful that it would help get rid of the sparkly glitter, “I’m riding the metro home. How am I supposed to walk around in public like this?”

Felix, who had just returned from the bathroom, laughed.

“Just shower like me,” he said, “Although you’re right, Chan, the bathroom stinks.”

“I’m not showering in a bathroom like that,” Chan mumbled, “How about you, Hyunjin? Are you showering?”

I shook my head.

“The bathroom stinks. Besides, we’re using the metro together, Chan. Don’t worry, we’d look fine.”

Bang Chan rolled his eyes and laughed.

“Teachers, let’s move! The warden’s already screaming for us to go home!” shouted Minhee, the chemistry teacher, from outside the teacher’s room, “Don’t worry about the glitters! We all look stupid!”

I finished packing my bag and waited for my two friends. Felix always finishes last, although he never had much to tidy up. He’s a gym teacher after all, what is there to pack?

“Oi, Felix!” Chan shouted, “Why are you so slow?”

The brunette said something, but I can’t hear him, I was too busy looking at my other co-worker, standing beside me, playing his phone.

Chan’s hair is wet, his fringes sticking on his forehead, after an attempt of washing his hair with bottled water. Ah, I’d like to have a manly nose like his.

“Hyunjin,” he suddenly said, resulting in me quickly darting my eyes away to a random spot on the ceiling to avoid his gaze.

“Yeah?” I replied, trying to act casual as if I wasn’t staring at him so intently before.

“How are your headaches? Are they better now?”

I shook my head, “No. The painkillers you got me aren’t working that well, I think. The one my internist prescribed isn’t working, too. Must be something genetic.”

“That’s not how genetics work, dumbass,” Felix laughed, closing the teacher’s room door and locking it, “This is why you’re teaching English instead of Biology.”

“Says the gym teacher,” Bang Chan snickered.

“You teach music, Chan,” Felix smiled, “You’re as useless as me.”

* * *

Headaches aren’t even the worst part of my current problems these days. With it comes dizzy spells—something like vertigo, but much more intense. I tried everything to get rid of them; over-the-counter meds don’t work, so I forced myself to lie down and sleep every time. The problem is, if I started getting dizzy during class, I can’t just lie down in front of the class, I need to continue teaching.

Felix suggested taking a day off if I got dizzy, but that means I’m never coming to work again, I got dizzy spells every day.

“Maybe this is God’s way of telling you to rest, Hyunjin,” Felix said during lunch one time, while we were eating together, “You need to drink more water, too.”

Chan took a bite of his tuna sandwich before adding, “Stop the coffee and alcohol, too. You’re not drinking, right?”

I shook my head and told him I’ve stopped drinking after the headaches began.

“Ah, this is seriously God’s way of talking to you,” repeated Felix, smiling widely, “Read the Bible bro, maybe it would cure you.”

I laughed at his idea, but somehow, Bang Chan looked dead serious.

“Let’s go to the internist again.”

I waved him off, “Don’t worry, Chan, I won’t die because of a headache. It would disappear after a while, I’m sure.”

“It’s been four months, Hwang Hyunjin. What if it’s much worse than that?”

Felix and I stopped laughing.

Chan’s word hung in the air.

I stared back at him, and I could feel my cheeks getting hot. Why is he looking at me like that?

“I’m not joking, Hyunjin. What if it gets worse?”

Felix jabbed him on the rib.

“Don’t be so serious, Chan. He’s doing fine, look at him now.”

I nodded, looking down at my untouched lasagna. I don’t feel like eating today, again.

Bang Chan won’t talk to me for the rest of the day.

* * *

However, by the end of the month, it was proven that Felix and I were the bigger idiots.

It was a Friday, during the third period, and I was teaching English to a class of second-years. The class was especially loud that day, and my head is killing me. I don’t really remember what happened after that, but I woke up in a cab with my head on Chan’s lap.

“What is going on?” I whispered as I felt the back of my head throbbing.

“OH MY GOD HE’S AWAKE!” I could hear Felix shouting from the front seat, “Chan, give him some water!”

I lifted my head to look at Chan, but he gently pushed me down, before opening his water bottle and nudging it on my lips.

I drank in silence, listening to Felix frantically explaining the situation to the headmaster on the phone.

“What happened?” I asked Chan, who eyed me back, still without a word. He placed his hand over my forehead and smiled a little.

“Tell me, Chan, what happened?” I repeated, impatient, “I passed out, didn’t I?”.

“EVEN WORSE!” Felix shouted, now to me, “You dropped to the ground during class and had a full-blown seizure! The whole class was screaming and the class representative ran to the teacher’s room. I was at the gym at that time, but thank God Chan got to you quickly enough. Fuck, Hyunjin, we should’ve listened to Chan!”

My shoulder tensed at the word ‘ _seizure_ ’.

I looked back at Chan, still lying on his lap, 100% sure he’s furious at me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, suddenly feeling very small. I’ve never seen him angry, although we’ve known each other from university years. Although we’ve been co-workers for six years. Although it’s been four years since I started realizing I’m harboring feelings for him.

“It’s okay,” Chan finally opened his mouth, his voice dry and strained.

“Hyunjin, let me tell you—when I arrived on the scene after Minhee screamed at me through the phone, Mr. Bang Chan right here was bawling his eyes—“

“Shut your fucking trap.”

I was about to open my mouth to apologize again when Chan placed his hand over my eyes and said in a soft voice, “It’s alright, I said.”

Both Chan and I were silent for the rest of the ride to the hospital, while Felix made various calls; to the other teachers who were curious, to ask for substitute teachers for the classes the three of us were missing, and also to my parents.

Although he can’t see my face, I’m pretty sure Bang Chan could hear my heart thumping loudly.

“I’ll be fine, I promise. You guys can wait outside. I can talk to the doctor alone,” I told Felix and Chan who was looking at me worriedly. Felix tiptoed to peek behind my shoulder in order to get a look at the doctor inside the room.

“Why are there two doctors?” Felix whispered, “Are you sure you’d be okay? I’m better at talking, you know.”

“I’ll be fine. Hold my bags for me, okay?”

Chan nodded and motioned me to go inside.

Once inside the cold room, I started to think maybe it’s better to actually bring Felix with me because the looks in their eyes clearly scream ‘I-am-going-to-talk-in-medical-terms-you-don’t-understand’.

The older doctor, my internist, dr. Park, reached out to shake my hand. I smiled and settled down on the chair in front of him. A younger doctor, probably my age, is standing behind him, with a concerned look on his face. Is he a med student? He looks to young too hang out with dr. Park casually.

“So, I’ve gone through your MRI scans, Mr. Hwang,” dr. Park began, offering a warm smile, “May I ask, how old are you?”

“Twenty-eight,” I replied.

“Are you married?”

“No. I still live with my parents?”

“Are your parents here with you? Or your guardian?”

I shook my head. I told him I’m here with my colleagues. The doctor nodded and glanced at the younger next to him.

“This is dr. Seo, our resident oncologist. He was here with me to help me review your scans.”

My head went into spirals. What is an oncologist? Is it something with my nerves? Is there something wrong with my ear? Or is it just some genetic problems?

“Mr. Hwang,” the younger doctor began, his voice deep but somehow shaky, “After reviewing your scans, dr. Park referred you to me. I’ll take over your case from now on, okay? Do you want to talk here or in my office? We can move there if you’re comfortable with it.”

What is an oncologist? Why is he so serious? Is it similar to psychiatry? I can’t seem to get a hint on whatever is happening, but I certainly don’t want to delay it anymore.

“No. Tell me now. What is wrong with me?” I mumbled, “Just be blunt with it. Even if I’m schizophrenic, just tell me. I’m ready.”

Suddenly, dr. Park stood up and motioned dr. Seo to sit in his chair, which the latter quickly does. I can feel my chest thumping so loudly, as the doctor stared at me so seriously. The young doctor fumbled with some paperwork before handing me a piece of paper. He had drawn my head on it, with some scribbles I can’t read. However, on the bottom, he wrote something I could read: Stage 4 CA. What is CA? I looked up at him.

“What is this?” I whispered.

“Mr. Hwang, we found a cancerous tumor in your brain. It’s on its last stage,” he replied, his voice soft. 

I can feel my feet going numb before it melts to the floor.

Stage 4 CA. It’s cancer. On its last stage.

I wanted to scream but I knew better. I can only nod. A few times. Several times. The silence is deafening. I can only nod.

“Okay,” I stuttered after a while, “What about it?”

“We’re going to run a few tests to find what’s the best way to treat the tumor, whether it is surgery, chemotherapy, or radiotherapy,

“I am going to be 100% transparent with you, Mr. Hwang, you are not in a good stage. At all. dr. Park told me you’ve been experiencing headaches and dizzy spells since five months ago, am I right?”

I nodded.

“Five months is more than enough for a tumor to grow, and judging by its size now, my best guess is that the tumor has been there for seven months, at least. But that does not mean it’s impossible to cure, we’re going to give our best to treat it, sir,” dr. Seo smiled slightly as if to assure me, although I can clearly see the worry in his eyes.

“You’re young, Mr. Hwang, we can get through this. Are you okay with meeting me next week? Or do you have any questions?”

“I can meet you on Friday next week. The same hour like today. 6 PM,”

“Okay, I’m empty during that time slot. Do you have any questions?”

With my mind all hazy with a thousand questions, the only thing I could come up with is: “How much time do I have?”

Once I got the sentence out, the air in the room grew even heavier, dr. Park cleared his throat and turned away from me.

When dr. Seo won’t answer my question, I added: “Just be honest with me.”

The doctor closed his eyes for a bit before saying:

“Less than six months.”

* * *

Felix and Chan was already on their toes when I exited dr. Park’s office, a concerned look on their face. “How was it?” Felix asked, his voice giddy, “Is it your genetics?”

I closed the door behind me and took a deep, shaky breath.

I handed him the piece of paper my oncologist gave me and collapsed into Chan’s open arms, sobbing.

Chan told me it’s going to be okay, although I know he’s still confused on whatever dr. Seo wrote.

“Stage 4 CA? What does it means?” Felix mumbled, which only made my cry harder. “What did you say?” my other friend gasped, “CA?”

The three of us sat down.

“I—it’s cancer,” I stammered, “I’ve got less than six months.”

In an instance, Felix turned away from me, his shoulders visibly shaking. Bang Chan pulled me in to another hug.

“What should I do?” I whispered, choking with tears. Chan said nothing.

“What should I do?” I repeated my question, although I know Chan can’t answer too.

What should I do?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading this far, I hope you're willing to read the next chapters I have in mind. Don't worry, it won't take me long to update, since I have a lot of spare time!  
> Please give lots of love for 'The sense of an ending'~~~


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